Everything is Deteriorating

The hardest part of depression is to find the motivation for self-care. I simply don’t care about myself, and so I don’t care about anything. And I can see it all around me.

I am definintely on a downslope. Everything around me is deteriorating. My place is a mess… my kitchen full of mold and garbage. Laundry not done. Food is low, and I’m reduced to take-out rather than grocery shopping. I took a shower today for the first time in 5 days and brush my teeth maybe once every two or three days. I don’t want to live like this, but I also don’t want anyone to see it. So I guess I’m forcing myself to write it down here to get myself out of it.

I wonder what people are thinking to themselves when they take care of the little tasks of self-care. Where do they find the self-respect and self-dignity that makes them want to get themselves presentable?

Tomorrow, I MUST get out of the house. I have not stepped out for several days now. It has to stop. Even if i don’t care, I have to do it.

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